For my ministry development class at Biblical Seminary, I had to spend a half day in prayer (defined as a four-hour block of time). We were also required to write a 2-3 page summary and response to what we did.
I decided I’d like to share some of the more significant papers I will have to write for school. This is one of them.
Facing an task such as a four-hour block of time just for prayer was a bit daunting at first, but knowing from the beginning that it would a great discipline for me to hear from the Lord, I was excited to be able to do it. My best friend often has spent hours in prayer, has gone on silent retreats, and has fasted often, and so many ideas were afloat in my mind as to what I could do during my four-hour block of time.
I began by simply sitting in silence, petitioning the Lord for clarity of thought, for direction in what I sought, and for inner peace in my heart. After about twenty minutes or so of that, I felt prompted to review a chapter in John Piper’s book, When I Don’t Desire God, on prayer. After about two pages, I was weeping (more on this later). When I was finished reading (which took about fifteen minutes), I read through some Psalms just to read how David cried out to the Lord. When I started to actually pray, I wrote my prayer in order to stay focused on what I was doing. Being easily distracted, this proved quite helpful to me while praying. Oftentimes I would stop and cry out to God things I couldn’t write fast enough, but mostly my prayer was written. I then went on my typical walk in order to just talk to the Lord (this is a regular practice). Once I returned, I listened to a couple worship songs that have meant much to me in the past, and I continued to finish my written prayer to God.
I often wondered what the purpose of spending time in prayer is about. “Prayer is talking to God, reading the Word is God talking to you,†has always been the typical description of prayer. Yet I find Christians who simply “sit and listen†to the Lord really find his heart during those times, and it scares me. How do they hear? I thought the Scriptures is solely where God speaks? What can I do to hear God on that level? I often feel discouraged because, as a generally fidgety person, sitting listening for any length of time proves difficult. I often need to be doing something else while listening. Driving is a good case in point – I can easily shut off all music and talk radio, and hear. But to simply listen in silence frightens me.
There are some personal things going on in my life that are being dealt with during this class time. Personal growth and maturity is a big desire of my heart, for many reasons, and I have come to painful terms with my own personal growth. And hearing from the Lord oftentimes means giving up something that is near and dear to our hearts.
I started weeping before I began praying because I realized that my heart’s desire was not God’s glory being shown in the world, at least not primarily. I’ve always wanted that, and every Christian would claim that as a desire. But if what we pray for is an indication of where our heart is, then my heart was not truly there – it was elsewhere.
To spend four hours straight with the Lord was refreshing, yet it also stirred a longing in me to really seek extra time with the Lord each week, rather than just settling for a few moments I can grab here and there. I spend much of my time throughout the day in prayer, but to spend a “quiet time†with God is next to non-existent in my life.
